Today was an odd/weird sort of day. I usually don't mind a little 'me' time but this weekend I wasn't quite feeling it. I miss my husband! I know how it will all be worth it and I know how these hurdles must be conquered so we can get to the next phase but right now I'm so over it. Jason has been on call all weekend and won't be home until tomorrow afternoon so that left me with plenty of time on my hands. After I did the necessary shopping and cleaning, I couldn't help but to reminisce.
I remember when..... I was maybe 6 or 7 and I had a custom made cheerleading outfit that I wore to every home football game in my hometown. I sat the bleachers and dreamed of the day when I would be out there on the track cheering on the Trojan team. Once the time came around for me to cheer, I decided to play sports instead of going out for the cheer team.
I remember when..... I was 13 years old and getting ready to finish out my last year in middle school. High school was so close and I could taste it. I prayed for summer to fly by so I could go school shopping for the perfect outfit for my big first day in the big school. Things didn't change much once school started...I was too shy to venture out with the 'big dogs'.
I remember when..... I was 15 and the youngest in my grade. Everyone else was getting their driving permits and driving licenses and I was feeling a little left out. I remember getting rides with friends to school, sporting games and practices. I guess riding with a friend was better than having the parents drop me off and pick me up, but still it wasn't good enough. I was so ready to drive.
I remember when..... I was 16 and a sophomore in high school and crushing on an upper classman. Prom season was rapidly approaching and I was dying to experience it a year before I 'technically' was invited. Prom was only for juniors and seniors but if a junior or senior invited an underclassman, then they were allowed. The upper classman decided to go with someone else(I never talked to him so I don't know why I thought he would ask me?) and I wished my sophomore year away because I was so exciting for junior year and prom!
I remember when.... I was a senior and graduation was only a few months away. It couldn't come soon enough. Once you walk across that stage, then automatically you're an adult, right?! I was so excited to move out of the small town I grew up my whole life in, go to college and see what life had in store. I was ready to grow up and time couldn't fly by fast enough.
I remember when.... I met the man of my dreams when I was 18. We were both in college and head over heels for each other. We were pretty much inseparable from the second we met! I dreamed of our wedding day--the dress, the flowers, the cake, the honeymoon and anything else that I could dream up. I couldn't wait to experience life with him for the rest of my life. It took a few years, 5 years to be exact, for him to work up the courage.
I remember when.... I was 22 and I took that last, extremely difficult genetics class so I could graduate a semester early. I had a pretty severe case of 'senioritis' and was ready to have a degree under my belt. I was looking forward to the resume building, the job searching and the wearing of business suits and high heels everyday.
I remember when.... We moved to the island of St. Maarten at the young age of 23 to pursue Jason's dreams of becoming a doctor. We were scared but we learned to depend on eachother more than ever. Every morning when we would wake up we would mark off the day on the calendar and count down the days until we were done with the island.
I remember when.... We found out that Jason would be doing his clinicals in California. We were so glad to be back in the states and we couldn't believe that at the age of 25 we would have gotten to see so much! We thought clinicals would move by so slowly and here we are a year away from Jason graduating and starting residency.
With all that said, I have come to realize that I have pretty much wished and rushed the majority of my life. I've always been looking forward to the future that I forget to enjoy the present. Things happen when God wants them to happen...not when Ashley wants them to!
I can't go back and change the past but I can promise from this day on to enjoy what I have now. God has been so good to us....that's especially obvious when I look back at the past years and realize how much we've gotten to experience. Thank you Lord for teaching me patience, even though I'm pretty sure I'm one of the worst students ever. From here on out, I'm going to appreciate the NOW!