Wednesday, October 6, 2010

Getting Real

After reading some blog topics, I decided I would participate in "Getting Real." Who is Ashley Conway? I'm a wife to an amazing man, mom to two amazing fur babies and child of a loving and forgiving Heavenly Father. I feel like I do a sufficient job of expressing myself through my posts...the good, the bad and the ugly. I tend to focus on more of the good than the bad and the ugly, because lets face it, no one likes to read depressing posts. It doesn't mean that we don't have bad and ugly moments, it's just not something I want focus on a lot.
So for right now...I guess it's time to get a little more real.
The medical school journey that we've been on during the last few years has been exactly that...a journey. Who wouldn't love to live on an island in the middle of the Caribbean for two years? Who wouldn't love to live in a new and exciting state (California vs. Missouri)? Who wouldn't want to receive loan checks multiple times a year?
We've LOVED all the opportunities, every single one of them! God has truly blessed us with an exciting life. It's been such an experience for the two of us but part of me feels like we aren't like other couples our age. Sometimes I just throw myself a big 'ole pity party because I feel like we should have accomplished more or be more developed. Here are a few real thoughts that can be going through my mind these days...
We are 26 years old and still not able to settle down in a house of our own.
Because of the constant moving with school, we've been living in apartments and probably will be living in apartments for awhile longer. We'll probably be in apartments until we get to an area where we could see ourselves living long-term.
I'm so ready to be settled in one place and have something that we worked so hard for. I'm ready a house of our very own; paint the walls any color I like and then if I absolutely hate it, then prime and start over again; mow our grass; plant flowers in the flowerbeds; decorate like crazy during the holidays.
We are 26 years old and still not ready for a Conway baby. Right now with our schedules and income, we don't feel like we can provide for a baby to the best of our ability. We know that we will probably never be fully ready for such a huge responsibility but that's not the point. The point is I'm ready to be a mother and our lives are still so unstable, it's not the best time to start trying for a baby. That's hard to accept, especially when the baby fever is always hitting the Conway household. Hopefully once residency comes around, we'll both have a sense of stability and we'll feel more comfortable with the idea of a baby.
We are 26 years old and have more debt than most people TWICE our age. I'm might have exaggerated a little on the "TWICE our age" part but the large amount of debt is no exaggeration. It's so difficult to save up for the house and the baby when the interest rates are barely 1% and the interest rates on our loans are 8.6%. We can't see trying to really save when we have so much debt. We are both grateful for our educations but goodness were they expensive to get!! I'm so grateful for a wonderful's helped decrease our loans significantly in the past year.

I've debated back and forth...should I submit this post or delete it? I don't want this post to feel like I'm ungrateful for everything we've been given. It's so hard for me to really allow myself to share my true feelings and be so vulnerable. There are so many people that have such difficult struggles that they deal with on a daily basis that my real thoughts seem so minute. So, there you have it...Ashley Conway being real!


theakers said...

I can TOTALLY relate. I see friends on Facebook posting pictures of their new houses, babies, etc. and it makes me jealous! BUT I try to make myself feel better by thinking of all the responsibilities that come with houses and babies! I also realize we will totally miss this time in our life. Thanks for getting real, it helps others who are feeling the same way to know they aren't alone!

Kelsey Claire said...

I am 25 years old and can relate to all of the above. It is hard to see so many people our age or younger with so much more. I keep telling myself that we will be thankful in the long run, but it is hard!

Jackson's said...

You are just REAL like the rest of us and hey u two are a lot younger than Vaughn and I. We are 33 and still in apartments without a house. I, like you, would love to have a house, garden, flower bed, the works, but like you said, it is just too hard when we move around so much. I am finding out that it will all be worth it in the end. Keep your head up girl, and the whole baby thing, you are never ready, we weren't ready for Taryn but she came anyway and you find a way to provide. You two are doing great. Keep it up and good luck with interviews and stuff.