Tuesday, July 14, 2015

Real

Real words. Real thoughts. Real.
We packed up and moved to Ohio a month and a half ago. I was dreading the move because we had established a life in Hershey and we would have to try and establish a new life in Ohio before packing up and moving again in just 12 short months. I think that just thinking about moving again, from Ohio to Missouri, in one year really worked against me as I tried to process the move to Ohio.

We packed boxes, loaded up the trailer and even made the drive to Ohio before I realized that this move was completely different and more complex than any other move. We've moved 6 times in the past 8 years...we know how to move and how to adjust to a new experience. Right?!

Those moves were all different. We didn't have children and little did I know how much of a difference adding two sweet faces to our family would affect the move, especially my ability to adapt.

A new house, a new town and a new routine was so much harder for me to wrap my head around and I still don't think that I'm completely around it now. To be honest, I haven't been the best wife or mom that last month and a half. It has been hard. I've lost my temper, I've lost my patience and I've lost my focus.

The guilt that I feel when I have to work, when the kids only want me to give them a bath or when they will scream for over an hour in the house while I'm outside on a work call is unbelievable. The guilt that I feel when I want to leave the house for work so I can have some "me" time is also unbelievable. I'm not a stay at home mom--couldn't do it forever. HUGE kudos to the moms that do it all the time but it's not for me. I need adult interaction away from the littles, I need to hear co-workers funny storiess and I need some time away. Even typing out that sentence makes me feel like the worse mom ever but it's true, it's real. I know this stage in our lives is short-lived but I quickly forget while I'm in the deep of it, in the moment.

The move was stressful but there are a few other things (isn't there always?!) that are constantly on my mind. My job is experiencing some hard times and by the end of the year they will announce lay-offs. Right now, no one is really talking about the future structure and what they are thinking so it's just an odd time. I have seniority and responsibility that very few have so I'm praying that the change works in my favor.
Jason takes his boards on July 28th so in between in 12-14 hour days he is studying and trying to feel as prepared as he can for his exam. He comes home, eats dinner, wrestles with the kids for a bit and then heads to the basement to study. We miss him and want to spend time with him but he needs to study so he feels more prepared and less stressed. TWO WEEKS TO GO!

It's hard right now! We are taking each day at a time and trusting that things will get easier. 

I've been trying to research and find new and fun things to do with the kids so we can all get out and use up some of our energy and to clear our heads! We're in a pretty good location, we seem to be pretty close to a lot of fun things! So far we've found ourselves on a lot of fun adventures.

Jason has made it through the first two weeks and is starting to get used to the system and his area of the hospital, I'm still working on a routine that will be the best for everyone (I'll keep you posted) Amelia has started preschool and she is making friends everywhere she goes, Barrett is allowing others to help occasionally and our family found a church that we will make friends and great memories with over the next year.
We are slowly establishing a much needed routine. I NEED routine for my sanity!
I've been praying A LOT that God change my attitude and I can already tell that my attitude makes the world of a difference in the mood of our house.

I really need to look big picture and look at what we have--our health, a roof over our heads, employment, family, friends, etc. and stop focusing on all the other stuff.

Life is real--sometimes I think that I'm the only one that can't figure it out and that struggles in certain situations (thanks, social media)
I'm determined to make memories and to enjoy whatever situation arises--life is too short! Working to make this day, this week and this month better than the last!

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